I know, I know. it's been a while. In fact, it's been about a month since my last blog entry. Well, a lot has been happening, let me tell you what! The majority of everything was significantly dominated by one event which occurred two weeks ago, and the was the wedding of my friend Tori.
About a week before the last entry, maybe less, I got a text message from her, panicking because she had no plans for music for the ceremony. It was one of those things we had talked about quite a few times while I was in Alabama, because music is a huge part of both their lives. To start, the only class we ever had together was band. She went on to do behind-the-scenes things in the music industry, and I've just never learned how to keep music from being a main character in the story of my life, which is a very similar case for her. But somehow, some way, the music slipped through the cracks. Forgive me for saying, but I half-expected it.
When I got the impression that she was getting too much push from her Mother-in-law, Tori tended to let that issue slip down the priority list. My speculation is because things like the music are an easy fix in the end. Is it important to people like us? Oh yes, it's critical! Maybe that's why I wanted to have a solid idea of what she wanted, and by the time I left Alabama in early August, I felt I had a fairly concrete idea of what she wanted. We would go out, taking our walks or going out to splash around in my neighborhood's pool, and listen to music. Every once in a while, a song would come on and she'd say, "I'd love it if this song played at my wedding."
Welcome to me, the walking rolodex. I filed those little songs away, kept it tucked away just in case. The real breakthrough, I felt, was when she was talking about the hotel and her dress, and the feel she wanted. The answer: Vintage. BOOM. So when i got that little text message, I got to work.
The next day, I called Tori to see how she was doing, and let her know that I had spent a decent two hours throwing together a playlist of 200 songs I felt were appropriate for the mood she wanted to set. Tommy Dorsey, Count Basie, Glenn Miller, Frank Sinatra (of course), the best of the best! I started with the 1960s and didn't look forward, only back, all the way to the 1920s. I even found a compilation of British wartime Jazz in an effort to nod to Tori's family, who are all English.
Now, would anyone else know that it was the Devonshire Dance Band that performed that last old-timey song? No. If anyone had known that I would have been shocked. I like to think that my specialty, in this instance, is details. Details, details, details. I thrive off subtleties, and I think it may have been overwhelming when, the day after I just completely took over (because I did, there's no denying it), I was asking Tori for specifics about how long the segments of the wedding were going to be. No lie, I already had a plan. Crooners and recognizable favorites for cocktails, non-vocal jazz and big band to take a back seat to conversation during dinner, and brighter, fun little clips like the Sugar Foot Stomp for dancing. Yeah, it was involved. Yes, I could have backed off a little bit.
That was the thing. I had watched and witnessed phone conversations and been a party to lots of the goings-on that weren't going so smoothly (Jewish M-I-L, 'nough said? yup.). She may be a little miffed at me for saying this, but this is just the fluff from my head. I hated how much she was being fought. Control freaks, I get. LA people who aren't used to hearing no, I get it. Cultural and religious stereotypes unfortunately playing out as true? TRAGIC, but not shocking. Especially when that kind of overbearing nature is falling across a wedding. WEDDING, PEOPLE!! oy. It was rough to watch. So rough. This single experience, after working in hotel and dealing with weddings there almost every weekend, has destroyed me. I will not be doing this, and she knows it. I've been vocal about it, and this is the last time she'll ever hear it from me, because now it's all in the past. For the sake of you all knowing what went on, that's what went on.
It really kills you to have to watch a friend go through that. You never want to see tears of frustration or hear about quibbles with the fiance. It's not fun at all, because you want it to be a perfect thing, though it's already on a wobbly foundation. A wedding being planned in Colorado from Alabama and re-planned from LA? That's awful, and she held it up the best she could. i held her up as best I could, trying to get her mind off it and back on today. If she needed to sit around, drink tea, work on crosswords, and watch Deadliest Catch (yes, I had a viewing buddy) and Being Human, you can be damn sure that I was going to facilitate that. Every day. Trip to Nashville? Fine by me. Someone had to make sure she was going to be alright, and I took it upon myself to try and cheer her up. That's what I do.
So then the music fell to me, and I went right back into my role. Any burden I could take from her and put on my own shoulders, I did it. That was the music. It was mine, and I took it as seriously as i take a job, because something, ONE THING, had to be hers, and I'd guard it and say no and keep it hers. She came over in the week leading up to the wedding and we had a little listening party, and I think the relief just washed over her. she got to listen, she what she liked, whether she thought a particular song would be better for dancing or cocktails, axing songs that she didn't like. Giving the control back. I like to think that little bit of sanity from a control freak (me) helped in that last week.
You should have seen it, I picked up Tori and Zach from the airport on Saturday, one week prior to the wedding. Tori got in my little car, clicked her seat belt, and melted into the seat. She was gone. It made me feel really good that someone has that kind of trust in my abilities, even when it's just. I said I'd be there, and I was. That was it. Well, not IT it. I even had a container of grapes in the car for the boy who's always hungry. Prepared? oh yeah. So we made our way back to Monument, where they very nicely took me out to dinner at the local Chinese restaurant. And neither of them could even decide what to order. I think Zach picked out the cashew chicken, but otherwise... yes, i ordered. It was hilarious, and also indicative of the kind of dynamic I've established with those crazy lovebirds.
I'm a force, in good ways and bad ways. If you know anything about me, you know that I have no problem acknowledging what I am; at times, I will describe myself as a sledgehammer or a hurricane. That week, I was a rottweiler. Loyal, loving, alert, and ready to tear out your throat if you tried anything to upset or frazzle my friend. Welcome to me. And that's how the gig went. Most of it happened before the ceremony, in my opinion. I just hit the play button and made sure Tori was properly glossed through the night, fetched her flats when she was tired of the heels, that kind of thing. I'm a pretty good dog. Before the ceremony, I was worked up, running errands, getting the music volume leveled, finding people who needed to be found, seeing my own set up, talking to staff, all kinds of fun stuff.
And let me tell you what. It had all piled up so much, the emotions, the stress, the excitement at the day FINALLY arriving... I totally cried during the ceremony. I know. Had to get it all out, because it had been a long 9 (count 'em) months of wedding-ness. Lots of stress, lots of seeing your friend going through some massive ups and downs. The harassment over the invitations, the utter joy of having the photographer she wanted booked (he's amazing, just wait til you see the pictures), and the few times when we could just be old friends with a lot of history, being our same stupid selves, splashing around in the pool like little kids and not think about the wedding. Just the day, the clouds rolling in, and what to have for lunch.
Nope. I'm never going to do it. But I wouldn't trade this experience for anything. And now I have my obligatory two witnesses for when I elope, because you know they owe me big time. BIG TIME.
